It took me a long time to understand myself in the context of polyamory, to become really comfortable and build up my confidence. For me, it was not an easy journey, but there have been things that have helped me along the way. And the very first I figured out was focusing on things that could make me happy even if I was alone.
As a recovering serial monogamist, spending time alone was not something I ever had to do. I jumped from relationship to relationship and my personality became inseparable from “the relationship”. In poly, I realised what a hard time I had accepting that I could not do everything with my partners, but also dealing with time spent alone. It was excruciating at first, but I managed to figure out things I wanted to do all by myself. Reading, driving and listening to podcasts became my first list and it has been expanding ever since.
But often I would be too drained or too sad to even start enjoying my time alone (which, by the way, now I looove!). So I put together a list of things that gave me instant joy and pulled me out of the dark. This list helped me tremendously and my only regret is that I stumbled upon the idea very late in my poly journey. If I had had it sooner, it would have been so much easier to cope with some days and nights. I hope this inspires you to make your own! Don’t forget to update it regularly and maybe share yours with others, for inspiration!
The Things That Give Me Instant Joy
- watching “Kung Fu Panda” (this is my emergency band aid for broken self esteem)
- eating chocolate ice-cream
- making myself pancakes with chocolate, bananas and crushed biscuits
- dancing to my happy playlist (which predictably includes the song “Happy” by Pharrell Williams)
- looking up at the sky
- buying myself a bouquet of flowers
- scratching and playing with cats (my own or lost and found cats :P)
- putting on sexy lingerie and taking selfies
- browsing Pinterest for industrial design ideas
- browsing the following sub-reddits: AnimalsBeingDerps, Catloaf, CatsAreAssholes, EarthPorn, iamverysmart, MyPeopleNeedMe, powerwashingporn, RoomPorn
- rewriting one of my many lists of things
- reorganising my lingerie and pantyhose and socks
- ironing some clothes
- taking a bath with scented candles and foam and everything (sometimes with the added bonus of a cat fallen in the bathtub, which I swear could lift up anyone’s spirits)
